It's Only A Little Death

Silver's memories are gone, but that's the way death usually goes. You wake up by the Styx, you realize you're dead, you pick a name, and you pay Charon for a ride across the river. If you have nothing of value to give, Charon deals in other currencies too — including ones of the flesh.Silver soon finds themself sitting on a bed in a strange room. They're given a diary, which is the most important thing they now own, and a peer support worker, Ifris, who's less than stellar about the job.Silver isn't prepared to go through the stages of grief for their own death, but they're even less ready for the deal they made with Charon: Recover their memories and the reason they died in record time, and they get to avenge their murder.There's one problem; the only way to trigger memories is to create a shock to the system, which is easily attained by having an explosive climax at the hands of the beasts that hold Silver's life story.

Content warnings; this story contains some sensitive subject matter, including drug addiction, violence, police brutality, and transphobia/homophobia. There are also several sexually explicit scenes, many involving humanoid monsters.

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* This excerpt contains explicit, descriptive sex and is for readers 18 and older.

EVERYTHING BECAME HAZY as they lifted themself up from the stone floor. Their long black hair hung in their face, matted to their cheek and neck. When they reached up to pull it away, their brow furrowed as a thick, sticky substance clung to their pale skin. They observed their fingers through fuzzy vision.Blood. Thick clots of dark red blood.“Oh gods!” As they touched their neck again, their fingers became coated. Their hand slid along an open and puffy wound that squelched. “What happened to me?”“You shouldn’t worry like that, you’ll just black out again.” A pause, and then to the side, “They always do.”The dark and slithery voice came from behind the human, and they turned to see a cloaked figure with midnight-black skin revealed by an open, ragged black robe. The hood shadowed the being’s face, but from what could be seen, its skin shimmered like the night sky.It chuckled. “Good, you’re remaining conscious. Most humans just go mad for a little while until the reality sets in.”“Who are you?” the human asked. “Actually, where in the hell am I?”The deep, slithery voice hissed like mists of ages long past. “Good guess, but you’re not in Hell. The underworld, more accurately.” The being lifted a clawed hand and stroked its lips. “Curious, though. You seem to have a stronger constitution than most, despite…” The being observed the human for a moment. They wore an oversized gray knitted sweater over a white button up, ripped skinny jeans, and black and white chucks. “…being rather innocent and oblivious.”The human huffed. “Innocent, okay, I’ll give you that one, but oblivious? Rude.” They frowned at the figure and fixed their glasses, only to realize everything was still fuzzy. “I can’t see anything. What’s wrong with my eyes?”“Here, let me help you.” The being reached towards the human’s square black glasses but stopped when they recoiled. It chuckled softly. “I only mean to give you your sight back. You see, the rules are different down here.” It tried again and swiped the black glasses from the human’s nose. “There.”“Wait, I’m half-blind without…” They paused. “...those.” The human spun around and realized their vision was clearer than it had ever been. “Wow. This is real, isn’t it?” They turned back to the cloaked figure. “You’re real. This is all real.” They looked down at their blood-covered hands. “What happened to me?”“You’re jumping ahead, slow down,” the being said as it threw the glasses behind it. They were swallowed by shadows. “A name would be a proper first step. Do you remember yours?”The human searched their mind. Everything froze as they stared off into space. “My name?” They took a deep breath, and a disturbing sensation of air seeping through the wound in their neck unsettled them. They shook it off. They couldn’t let anxiety get the better of them now. They were dead, apparently, so fear had no purpose anymore.The human looked up at the figure and took all of it in with new clarity, and their stomach clenched. The long robe that dragged along the floor hung open with nothing underneath, although the body lacked a defined sex. They swallowed hard and tried not to stare.The cloaked figure noticed and laughed. “Stare all you like. I’m not offended.” It moved around the human and swiped a black claw across the injury on their neck, and then brought it to its lips. Its hellish red eyes glowed beneath the hood. “Ooh, this is some tea, isn’t it? The way your life ended was dramatic.”The human turned to stare into its eyes, annoyed. “Why don’t you tell me your name first? You’re my guide, right? That's why you’re here?”“Hmmm, perhaps.” The cloaked being tilted its head slightly to the side and moved its eyes down and then back up the human’s form. “Charon.”“That name seems familiar.” The human’s eyes widened. A memory surfaced. “Charon! The guide to the underworld.”Charon smiled. “The one and only.”“My name is…” The human’s mind drew a blank before they decided to test the only words that came to mind. “Deception. Deception? No, that isn’t a name. Breathless. No.” They growled in frustration.“Breathless Deception, hah!” Charon’s eyes lit up again. “That sounds very enticing, doesn’t it?”“I can’t remember my name, alright?” The human huffed and hugged themself. “Why don’t you tell me? You should know, shouldn’t you?”Charon shook its head. “Now, I can’t do a thing like that. It’s not my job to recover your memories for you, you’ll have to do that yourself if you ever want to truly move on.”“Then what do I do?” The human slumped in defeat. Being dead, as far as they knew, resulted in peace and rest, not this supposed journey to recover memories. It sounded like an awful lot of work, which the human wanted nothing of. They were tired and felt it in every part of their body. Dying was probably exhausting.“I could give you a name,” Charon teased, “but it means so much more coming from you. Let’s start with your identity. How would you like me to address you, besides a name?”The human had a much more confident answer to that one. A recovered memory. “They/them, if you mean pronouns. I don’t think I have a gender, if that makes sense.”“Perfectly,” said Charon. “Now, as for your name, what feels right to you?”The human searched again. “I don’t know. Should I just pick one?”The guide nodded. “That would be wise, you can’t go around without a name. It’ll be easier for your journey to come, too. Most humans just go with a keyword that pops into their head, something that rings true.”The human rubbed their fingers across their neck again. A spark. “Silver. Silver Sharpe. Yes, that feels right.”Charon clapped. “Well done, Silver Sharpe. Welcome to the Styx.” It turned to part the musty fog, and behind the mist was a cold blue river with a wooden boat that had a lantern hanging from a pole. A tunnel system made of stone surrounded everything, and whispers of the dead could be heard in the distance.Silver stepped toward the boat and crouched as they looked down at the water curiously, but they were jerked back when a pair of white eyes found theirs. “Something’s down there!”A shimmering clawed hand squeezed Silver’s wrist where it had tugged them back. “Yes, souls. Not everyone’s lucky enough to make it down here in one piece. They’re all lost. Forever.”Silver swallowed hard despite their mouth being dry, and it caused the split skin around their neck to squelch again. They grabbed their throat. “Sorry, but is there something I can use to, uh…” They made a wrapping motion with their fingers.Charon patted their shoulder and approached the boat, beckoning to them. “Yes, as soon as we reach your destination someone will fix you up however you’d like. It wouldn’t do to have you distracted.” It took Silver’s hand as they stepped onto the boat, and the human paused. Charon’s eyes flashed. “Speaking of distractions, there’s one little thing I require from you before we get moving.”Silver tugged their hand back. “I have nothing. I’m dead, what can I give you?”Charon stepped farther into the boat and sat on one of the wooden benches. It leaned back on one hand and gestured toward Silver. “I require payment to cross the river, you know. If you knew who I was, surely you knew that.”“Right,” Silver said with unease. “So how does that work? Am I stuck here if I can’t pay you?”The guide chuckled and held an arm out in a welcoming gesture. “Oh, money isn’t the only option. I realize the dead have limited resources and not everyone dies clinging to something of value. There are other currencies I deal in.” The robed figure beckoned for Silver to come closer as its body revealed just what it had in mind. An erect organ slowly grew from between its legs where there had been nothing before.Silver froze on the spot and shook their head. “No, gods, no. Are you serious? You’re messing with me. This is a sick joke, isn’t it?”Charon shook its head and beckoned with more urgency. “While you may have an eternity to mull over the finer details, I have other duties to attend to. So do you want to cross the river with me or swim through it and find your own way?” As Silver opened their mouth to respond, Charon held up a finger to silence them. “Choose carefully, Silver. The lost souls in this river will be more than eager to drag you down with them. I’m not sure that’s a fate you would want.”That definitely sounded much worse. Silver looked at Charon again. They glanced at the shadowy and shimmering organ swelling between its legs, and they realized it wasn’t the worst thing that could happen. Most people expected to be at Heaven’s gates to be judged, or in Hell to burn in a lake of fire — not debating whether they should sit in Charon’s lap.“Okay,” Silver said before they could think too much about it. They were surprised to find themself quite calm with the whole thing, and they noticed, finally, that their heart wasn’t even beating. They weren’t sure if they could feel pleasure either, but it would be worth it anyway.A spark. They furrowed their brow. Had they ever had the chance to do that with anyone in life? They certainly weren’t opposed to the idea. They blinked. Deception. Breathless.“I need a clear answer,” Charon said impatiently. “This is your decision. I’d like to get going, though, if you don’t mind.”Silver nodded and stepped farther into the boat, surprised that it hadn’t rocked. “Yes, yes I’m willing.” They paused awkwardly in front of the shimmering body that awaited them. What was proper to do first? Maybe they truly had been a virgin before they died.Charon watched with amusement before grabbing Silver’s jeans and expertly flicking the button open with one hand. “There’s no need for formalities if that makes you feel better. This is a transaction, and it’s a good introduction to the way things are going to work down here.”“Excuse me, what?” Silver said, stunned. They allowed Charon to tug their pants down past their thighs. “I don’t know if I like the way that sounds.”“Oh, don’t worry. You’ll always have a choice. No one will make you do anything you don’t want, just like me.” Charon slipped two fingers between Silver’s thighs and tucked one just barely between the lips that were still dry. It sighed. “Right, we need to get you back online after the shock. Death is quite a shock, after all.”Silver bit their lip and stood awkwardly as Charon’s fingers slid up to form a V at either side of their enlarged clit. The cool, shimmering fingers worked at a rhythm until Silver felt a spark, and then another as something came alight within them. A sound of surprise left their lips, and as something crept higher and higher that bloomed in their chest, the sensation of their nerve endings coming back online brought back a semblance of life.“Ah, there it is,” Charon mused as it slipped its fingers between swelling lips that became slick. “What, did you think you would become a walking corpse?”“Yes — yes, actually.” Silver gasped as they squeezed their legs together on impulse. Too much. The feelings were too intense too soon.Charon pulled its fingers back and grasped both of Silver’s thin thighs, and then it buried its mouth between their legs.Silver placed a hand on the hooded head as their legs shook, and they moaned embarrassingly loud as a cool tongue slithered below. Their heart began to beat again, and while they didn’t grow warm from the swirling in their stomach, there was an urgency threatening to burst forth.They managed to speak when Charon pulled back to give them a breather. “I was a virgin when I died, I think. I’m sure of it now. I’ve never done this before.”“Interesting,” Charon mused. “But you desired it?”“Yes, I think I did.” Silver realized their mouth had become wet once more and swallowed, ignoring the uncomfortable feeling around their neck. “I just never got the chance. I was always…” They paused. “I was shy?”“Awkward, more like it,” Charon teased. “Shall we continue?”“Yeah, we should probably get going.” Silver took a deep breath and stepped over Charon’s lap. Clawed hands gripped their thighs and guided them down, and Silver closed their eyes in preparation as they felt a cool tip nudge their sex. “Sorry, you’ll have to guide me.”“Shy, even in death,” Charon chuckled. It rocked its hips as it worked itself slowly inside, and it continued to ease Silver down until they sat on its lap, filled completely.Silver bit their lip as their body fell into the motions, and they circled their hips as a sensation built low in their stomach that made them feel alive again. Charon gripped their ass and lifted them, and they moved faster as they bounced on its lap. The two bodies moved together as they came closer and closer to the edge, and Silver moaned freely into the dead halls as two fingers toyed with their swollen clit.Their mind expanded as they came, and another memory sparked to life as their body twitched with pleasure.A sultry smile. “I do have a surprise for you.”“Really? Um, I just think you should know first, I’ve never done this before.”A chuckle. “I hope you don’t mind that I have.”Silver gasped as they came back to reality. They looked down at Charon, whose eyes glowed dark crimson from beneath its hood.It watched them with a wicked smile as it realized what had just happened. “You’re starting to remember,” Charon said huskily. It had reached its climax just seconds before. “Good, you’re making more progress than most so early.” Silver’s legs wobbled as they tried to stand, but Charon helped them onto the bench as it straightened its robe and grabbed an ancient wooden oar. Its body was sexless once more. “There’s hope for you yet.”“Hope?” Silver huffed a laugh as they made themself decent. “What hope is there for a dead person? I’m not getting my life back.”“You’re right about that, yes.” Charon rowed along the river and the boat entered a dark tunnel that was pitch black, save for the lantern casting haunting shadows upon the walls. “You won’t get your life back. Who you were is dead and gone as far as the people who knew you are concerned.” It became silent as it rowed and fell into thought. “Maybe…” it mumbled under its breath.“Just curious,” Silver said as they leaned forward with their elbows on their knees. “Has anyone ever escaped? Like, been able to go back? Near-death experiences and all.”“Interesting question,” Charon said as it guided them out of the dark tunnel and back into the ethereal blue glow of the river. “You’re asking because you wonder if you’re having a near-death experience right now?”“It’s possible, right?” Silver asked as they felt their neck again. No, no it couldn’t be. With an injury like that it would be impossible to survive.Charon stopped rowing for a second before steering them down another tunnel. “You still haven’t recalled how you died?”Silver shook their head. “No idea. I just have a few words that come to mind, and I can make a guess, but I’m lost.”“No, you aren’t lost, don’t say that,” Charon said. “You never want to be lost down here. In fact, I think you’ve got it together more than you realize.” It fell into thought again and mulled over something before nodding.The boat was guided to an aged wooden dock and Charon stepped onto the frayed surface. There were a few buildings behind it, one in particular appeared to be more ornate than the rest. Others had multiple windows and stories, and a few figures moved around in them.“Oh, why not?” Charon said as it came to a conclusion and turned to Silver. Its eerie eyes glistened again. “I’ll make a deal with you. I haven't done this in a while, and I don’t just offer a deal to any human, but I think you’re capable.”Silver stepped out of the boat, perplexed. “Okay, what’s the deal?”“Since time doesn’t exist down here like it does up there, I can’t really give you an ultimatum in that regard, but if you’re able to recover your memories quickly, and you recall the way you died and the events leading up to it, I may offer you a rare chance.”Silver’s breath caught in their throat. “To return? You’d let me return?”“In a way, yes,” Charon said carefully. “I can’t reveal too much to you, but I will give you the chance to avenge your death.”

“My death needs avenging?” Silly question, Silver realized. They doubted they slit their own throat, and it would be a bit difficult to have an accident that would cause something like that.Charon nodded. “Mmhmm. You can’t have your life back — I couldn’t do that for you anyway — but I can give you this.”“What’s the point if I can’t live again?” Silver fell into step beside the robed figure as they approached the ornate building. White pillars rested at either side as they stood before tall double doors.“Souls that regain their memories sometimes become stuck because of, what you’d call, unfinished business,” Charon said. “Many of them spend eternity in a purgatory of their own design, reliving their deaths over and over again because they couldn’t find closure for the rage they uncovered. You, though.” Charon smiled, although it was difficult to make out. “You show promise. And maybe I like you a little bit.”Silver bit back a smile. “So, you’ll let me find closure to save me from an eternity of misery?”Charon nodded. “Yeah, if you’re up for the challenge. It won’t be easy, but it’ll be worth it.” It opened the double doors and stepped inside. A dimly lit office with a waiting room remained silent, save for the snapping keys of a typewriter behind a glass window. A pale blue hallway that stretched for an eternity was on the other side.A sickeningly wan woman with a brown beehive hairdo looked over at them and frowned. “Charon, your job is out there, not here.”It sighed and nudged Silver forward. “I’ve spent too much time with you already.” It then whispered inside their head, “But I might sneak in to see you later.” Silver’s body lit up, but Charon quickly whispered again as it crept out the doors. “I didn’t mean for that.” It chuckled. “I’ve created a monster.”

“THIS IS YOUR ROOM,” the sickly woman with the brown updo said. She handed a brass key to Silver before wandering over to a large window, and then pulled aside blue velvet curtains.Silver joined her and looked out over an indoor complex. A fake courtyard with strange luminescent fauna rested in the middle, and windows in the other parts of the building surrounded it with some shadows moving around behind them. One in particular caught Silver’s eye, and they watched as an arm raised with something pointed. It plunged into the shadow before they quickly turned away.The woman stood by with her arms crossed. “You’ll see worse things, get used to it.” She adjusted her red cats’ eyeglasses and scrutinized Silver before continuing. “I’m not sure what Charon did or didn’t tell you. Not much, I’m sure.”“Right.” Silver hugged themself as they sank down onto a bare queen-sized mattress. They slipped their shoes off to feel plush green carpet beneath their white socks. It felt musty, but they paid it no mind. The air in general was damp everywhere, likely due to the mist from the river Styx being just outside.“A soul of few words, I see,” the woman said as she wandered over to a desk and picked up a brown leather diary. A silver button held a flap in place to keep it closed, and a pen made of bone was slipped in between. “This is the most important thing you own now. Don’t lose it.”Silver took the book and opened it, and it was completely blank. Despite the cool yet humid atmosphere, the cream-colored paper was dry with a bit of texture. They closed it once more and observed the cover, surprised to see their name forming in the center as if it had been burned there. Silver Sharpe.“Interesting name. Chosen, I’m sure,” the woman droned. “Listen up, kid, there are some rules.”“I’m an adult,” Silver said, annoyed. “Please don’t call me a kid.” Another spark. Something resonated in the back of their mind, but they could barely catch it. A number. Two. One? Twenty-one. Yes, that felt right. “I’m twenty-one,” they said.The woman narrowed her eyes and her rouged lips frowned. “I’m way older than you’ll ever imagine, so you’re a kid to me. Now, the rules.” She approached a closet and pulled out a stack of sheets that were tie-dyed blue and green, and then tossed them into Silver’s lap. A basic green blanket made of rough cotton followed. “Keep your space tidy,” she continued. “If you get the urge to do what you saw through the window, don’t. Or at least, make sure you put something down for the convenience of our cleaners.”Silver cringed. They really had no desire to do that. What would it even accomplish, anyway? The dead couldn’t die any more than they already had.“You probably won’t need sleep,” the woman said, “but some like to at least rest to think things over. And you’ll be doing a lot of thinking. It’s what the diary’s for, as it’s part of your ticket out of here.”Silver perked up. “Out of here, like, to move on?”The woman snorted. “Yes, but it’s not that easy. First, it’s your only way out of this room. You need to form a basic identity and come up with a plan on how you’re going to recover your memories. Think of it like therapy, but for the afterlife.” The woman looked around to make sure all was in order and caught Silver staring oddly at the sheets. “The pattern hides the stains.”“I don’t want to know,” they said uneasily and set the blankets aside.Silver looked out of the window again. It was eerily quiet, save for distant voices wandering the halls, and they didn’t mind it so much. It was at least a place to rest after the initial shock, and they hoped that when everything finally had time to sink in, they didn’t have a complete meltdown.“Your peer support will arrive shortly,” the woman said as she walked to the front of the room. “He’ll be able to tell you more about your action plan and help you get your bearings.” A knock caused the both of them to look toward the entrance, and the woman took a deep breath. “That’s him. Good luck,” she added with a bit of venom before opening the door.A man in his mid-twenties, wearing short cut-off shorts and a vintage crop top with an MTV logo on it, stood in the doorway. Upswept purple hair made him look paler than he was, and his eyes were the ghastly white of the dead. He slipped his hands into his pockets before brushing by the secretary and giving her a dirty look. Silver realized there was an ashen blue tint to his skin.They stood from the bed to not be rude. “You must be peer support. I’m—”“Silver Sharpe, I know.” His voice was harsh and filled with impatience. “Not the most original name. Kind of cringe if you ask me, but it works. Better than Rabies Froth.”“Rabies… Froth?” Silver grimaced. “That one’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?”“Too obvious,” the man said. “Leaves nothing to the imagination. Anyway, I’m Ifris and I’m supposed to help you figure yourself out so you can get out of here.” He held out a hand, which Silver grabbed in greeting, but Ifris smacked it away and shook his head. “The diary, please. We’re not buddies here. This is something I have to do, so let’s just get it over with.”“Jeez, fine,” Silver said. “It’s not like I want to be here either. I didn’t choose to die, and I didn’t choose you to guide me.” The word ‘guide’ brought back memories of Charon and the boat, and Silver tried to hide their bashful expression.Ifris sighed as he flipped through the empty book. “Great, a blank slate. Nothing at all.”“Hey, I just got here!” Silver said a little too loudly. “I’m sorry if I’m upset, but I literally just woke up on the river Styx. I had to… pay Charon…”Ifris couldn’t help but bite back a smile.“And now I’m here in this small room with vague instructions and, well, you,” Silver finished. They felt their neck again as they remembered the wound. “And this, Charon said I could get something to cover it up. A bandage or something.”Ifris stifled another laugh at the mention of Charon’s name. “Why? It gives character,” he teased.“Seriously, please.” For the first time since they’d woken up, Silver’s emotions started to bubble over. Now that things were sinking in, as was forewarned, even the smallest of things made them feel desperate. Desperate for what, they couldn't figure out, but the emotions rising within them weren’t good. They had to hold it together so they didn’t end up like the shadow on the other side of the complex. “Please, just get me a bandage or something,” they said. “I’m not asking for much.”Ifris finally dropped their tough exterior and tossed the book on the bed. “Fine. I’ll get you something to wrap that with if you just make your bed. A simple task even you can handle, okay?”Silver nodded.“Also, start listing down the things you’ve figured out so far on the first page of the diary. It doesn’t have to be detailed. Keywords, numbers, whatever are fine. Start by writing your chosen name.” He turned to leave but paused. “Oh, and just because it’s a diary doesn’t mean it’s private, so please leave whatever happened between you and Charon out of it.”Silver’s hands covered their face. They just wanted to crawl beneath the blankets and disappear. “I… don’t know what you’re talking about.”“Sure,” Ifris quipped. “Anyway, be right back. Try to hold it together while I’m gone.”The door closed, and Silver stood quietly in the center of the room, unmoving. Their heart beat at a steady pace, but it increased as they became quietly catatonic.‘I’m dead. I’m here in the underworld, and I’ve just been assigned peer support for some weird afterlife therapy program. I had sex with Charon in order to even get here. What is happening? Should I try to wake up? Yes, this is just a dream. A lucid dream I let get too far out of hand.’Silver finally lifted their hands from their face only to slap themself across the cheek. The sound echoed off the damp walls, and they realized, once more, their face also had an injury they’d forgotten. Their hands were still crimson with dried blood from earlier, and they figured they should at least wash up.A few counters and cabinets sat in the corner of the room, and in the middle was a sink with a mirror above it. Silver avoided the reflective surface as they kept their eyes on their feet, not ready yet to see the reality. The water was cold and didn’t have an option for warmth, but it was good enough to wash the red down the drain. They rubbed their hands as clean as possible without soap, and they realized they would have to look into the mirror to clean their face. As they glanced to the side, they noticed a stack of green cloths, the same institutional green as the blanket. Someone in charge really enjoyed the decorative charm of a hospital.‘Just look up. How bad could it be? I don’t even remember my own face, so whatever I see will just be fine, right?’ Silver took a few shaky breaths. Their hands curled into fists on the white speckled countertop as they worked up the courage. ‘You’re dead, you dummy. What is there to be afraid of? Your own reflection? Give me a break.’Silver closed their eyes, took another preparatory breath, and with a racing heart, they opened them again as they lifted their gaze to look into the mirror.What felt like a painless blow to the head sent them reeling, and everything faded.

Silver awoke lying in a freshly made bed. When their vision cleared, they jumped up in a panic and scanned the room with their eyes. As they turned their head, they noticed the sensation of a freshly applied bandage wrapped around their throat, and when they felt their face, a small square bandage stuck to their right cheek.“Where am I?” they mumbled.“Here we go,” Ifris breathed. He left the desk chair and sat on the side of the bed. “Do you remember me?”Silver jerked their head in his direction and became mute with fear.Ifris tried again. “You don’t have to speak, just nod or shake your head. Nod for yes, shake for no, in case you forgot that too.”Silver nodded.“Do you remember me?” Ifris asked slowly.Silver hesitated before nodding.“At least there’s that much. Do you remember your chosen name?”Silver looked off into the distance as they briefly dissociated, but then quickly returned to Ifris. They nodded. The panic started to abate that had trapped them in a state of delirium.Ifris leaned over to grab the diary and placed it in Silver’s lap. “You didn’t do what I asked you to,” he said, “so I went ahead and jotted down some things while you were out. It was really stupid to look in the mirror by yourself, by the way.”Silver nodded and opened the book as they trembled. On the first page was a list of basic information.Chosen name: Silver Sharpe
Significance: Unknown
Peer support: Ifris
Arrived with Charon
Injuries to the neck and right side of face. Patched up
Age appears to be early twenties
Pronouns: They/them“If there’s anything else you want to add that you can think of right now, best to do so,” Ifris said as he stood and approached the sink. He dampened a green cloth and approached the bed to wipe Silver’s forehead, but they jerked back. Ifris held his hands up in a gesture of peace, and then sat back on the bed after hanging the cloth over the desk chair. “Just trying to help.”“What happened?” Silver finally uttered.Relief washed over Ifris’ face. “Thank fuck, I thought we’d have to start writing back and forth. You passed out after looking in the mirror.”“The mirror…” Silver blinked hard and shook their head but greatly regretted it as the world spun. “My face wasn’t my face.”Ifris quirked an eyebrow. “I’m pretty sure your face is your face, friend.” He stood and held out a hand. “Since you already decided to dive in headfirst, no time like the present. Especially now that I’m here.” He waited for Silver to take his hand and helped them become steady on their feet. “I guess this will be our first exercise together. Seeing your face again for the first time always sucks, but the more you do it, the easier it will get.”Silver nodded and froze as Ifris pulled them toward the mirror. They closed their eyes and shook their head as they wavered. “No, no,” they mumbled.“Yes, come on,” Ifris ground out. “This is necessary and we’re going to do it whether you’re ready or not. It’s your fault in the first place. I wanted to ease you into it, but now there’s no point. Rip off the bandage.”Silver whimpered as they were pulled forward and stumbled across the carpet as they tripped, landing them right in front of the mirror as they caught themself on their hands. They refused to look up. It was too unsettling to see a face attached to their own head that looked foreign and ghastly. They shook their head as cool, wet streaks slid down their cheeks.“You’re finally facing reality after being in denial,” Ifris said quietly. “The emotions will be intense, and they’ll ease over time, but you’ll be fine and can start the real work if you can get past this first step.” He stood behind Silver and placed his hands on their shoulders. “I’m right here behind you. Just look up slowly, maybe take it in bit by bit.”Silver sniffed and gathered their resolve. With trembling limbs, they slowly looked up into the oval mirror. Their heart skipped a beat and their eyes widened, and they felt the sensation approaching of another blackout, but Ifris’ voice boomed close to their head.“Hey! You’re not blacking out on me again,” he said. “You have to face yourself because this is your new reality. This is your home now and there is no escaping it. Believe me, I’ve tried.” Ifris trailed off before looking into the mirror with Silver again. “It doesn’t look as bad anymore. See?” He slid a hand beneath Silver’s chin to keep them from looking away again. “No more creepy injuries. Just you.”Silver’s breath shook as more tears flowed. They looked fully into their own eyes that had turned a pale shade of pink. Memories came flooding back as their legs grew weak, and they stifled a sob. “They’re not the right color,” they said. “My eyes, these aren’t my eyes.”“They’re definitely your eyes, Silver.” Ifris let go of their face but remained close. “Weird things can happen when you end up down here, like a change in eye color, for one. At least yours don’t make you look like a walking corpse.” Ifris snorted a laugh. “How do you think I felt when I looked into the mirror and saw these freaky-ass ghost eyes?”Silver sputtered a laugh between the tears and blinked them away, only for more to come. They finally looked away. “I remember now. My eyes were hazel.”Ifris poked Silver’s back with something, and when they turned around, the leather diary slid into their hands.“Lesson one,” Ifris said. “As soon as you recall something, write it down. Don’t forget to do that because nothing is certain down here, not even recovered memories. It’s easy to…” Ifris paused. He looked off to the side with unease and then shook his head. “Just write down whatever you recover as soon as you can.”Silver leaned over the counter to jot down a short description of their current appearance, and then what they remembered of their face when they were alive. “Easy to what?” they asked. The tears had finally stopped.“Nothing,” Ifris said flatly. “Just started rambling.”

AS SILVER STARED AT THE CEILING from where they lay on their back in bed, the soft sound of a hissing mist alerted them to the front of the room. A figure formed, and the shimmering skin beneath a long black robe was unmistakable.“Charon!” Silver sat on the edge of the bed as the guide drifted over to them.It held a finger to its lips. “Shh, I’m not supposed to be here.”“Then why are you here?” Silver asked with a smile. “I’m not really in a good mental space to fool around again.”“That was a transaction,” Charon sighed. “Like I told you, I’m not visiting for that.” It fell into the desk chair and noticed the leather diary, and it flipped through the pages to see a few had been filled in. “You’re starting to remember more things. Good.”“I still don’t know how I died, though,” Silver said as they fell onto their back. “I finally saw my reflection, and the injuries, too. Still drawing a blank.”“You will for a while, I imagine.” Charon set the diary aside. “That’s why our deal will take some time to accomplish.”“Right.” Silver sat up again. “I forgot about that.”Charon pointed to the diary. “Don’t write anything about that in here. That’s the one thing you can never do. Keep our interactions out of it.”“Understood,” Silver said. “I didn’t write about the… transaction either. Ifris, my peer support—”“Oh, I know who Ifris is,” Charon said impatiently. “Of course you’d get him out of everyone here. Must be a busy time since he’s not anyone’s first pick.”Silver grew uneasy and approached the window to look out over the courtyard again. It was empty where it had been scattered with other souls before. “You don’t like him?” they asked carefully.“No, not really.” Charon stood to join Silver. “He’s an irritable pain who only helps out around here because he has no choice. He was once like you, freshly deceased and confused. The only difference is that he didn’t even care that he was dead.”Silver furrowed their brow. “You mean he wanted to die?”Charon nodded. “I’m assuming. It all could have been avoided if he’d just kept away from the wrong people.”“Hey, shut your whore mouth,” Ifris spat as he entered the room.Charon turned and smiled. “Ah, I believe that’s my line for you. After all, you were the whore in life, weren’t you?”Ifris narrowed his eyes. “At least I don’t fuck souls in exchange for a ride across the river.”Charon shrugged. “I don’t do that every time. That’s only an option if they have nothing else to give, and you know some souls do.” Charon drifted over to Ifris and its eyes glistened. “You had something very dear to give up. Something that landed you right down here. You gave it up because there was no way for you here if you didn’t.”Ifris clenched his jaw and stood rigid as Silver watched on quietly. “Don’t.”“I still have them, you know,” Charon taunted. It reached into its robe and pulled out a clear orange container that rattled. “Will you beg me for them again?”Ifris grabbed Charon’s robe and growled. “Fuck off or I’ll tell them you’re in here.”“Please, don’t fight,” Silver said. They were already anxious enough; they didn’t need this too. “I don’t really want to deal with this right now, I’m stressed as it is.”“Yeah, see?” Ifris said. “You’re interfering with my client’s progress.”“No, it isn’t,” Silver interrupted again. “Can we all just calm down for a second? Charon and I were about to discuss something important.”“Then talk about it in front of me,” Ifris said defiantly. He released Charon and backed away.The guide stood in silence for a moment before sighing and sitting on the edge of the bed. “Alright, I suppose it doesn’t matter if you know. I’ve got secrets of yours and you have mine. Besides, you could probably use a bit of excitement in this dull place.”Ifris was agreeable to that and dropped into the desk chair as Silver joined Charon on the bed.“Anyway,” Charon continued. “Silver, are you still interested in our deal?”They looked down at their feet shuffling on the carpet. “I think so. It’ll be a while before I can take you up on it, though. I couldn’t even handle seeing my own face.”“That’s hard for anyone,” Ifris chimed in. “What’s this deal, then? Maybe I can help you get there sooner so I can get this out of my hair.”Charon hummed in thought before speaking further. “Yes, maybe you can. This institutional stuff is nothing more than regulation, so surely it wouldn’t matter if Silver…” Charon trailed off as it walked fingers in midair.Ifris shook his head. “Oh no, no I’m not doing that. I already got my ass handed to me the last time I tried to get out of here, let alone with a client.”“Wait, you want to break me out of here?” Silver asked. “I don’t mind this room, really. It’s quiet and I feel safe. I wouldn’t know what to do out there.”“You wouldn’t be alone,” Charon said happily. “Ifris is going with you, and I’ll pop in every once in a while.”Ifris’ eyes widened. “How in the hell do you expect a client to just disappear from the roster? And what makes you so sure that I won’t just ditch this one the first chance I get if we succeed?”Silver frowned. “Gee, thanks. Am I really that unbearable?”“It has nothing to do with you,” Ifris assured them. “Seriously, it’s not personal. I’m just not a fan of carrying others’ baggage. I have my own reasons for wanting to get out of the system.”“It’s not for forever,” Charon chimed in. “Just long enough to help speed up the process for Silver. And if you ditch them, I snitch.”“Of course,” Ifris ground out. “Alright, whatever. As long as I get to stretch my legs, I’m all for getting out of here for a bit. What’s the deal, and what’s the plan?”“Wait, don’t I get a say in any of this?” Silver asked. “I’m barely holding it together right now, the stages of grief for my own death are just starting. What if something bad happens out there?”“That’s where Ifris comes in,” Charon said. “You’ve already accepted our deal, are you backing out? Do you not want to avenge your death to assure a peaceful afterlife? Or will you risk eternity in your own Hell?”“Ah, I get it,” Ifris said. “You have a thing for Silver so you’re guiding their fate. Cute.”Silver grew shy as Charon wrapped an arm around their shoulders. “Every once in a while, a human comes along that has a uniqueness I can’t ignore,” it said. “Sometimes something just tickles me about them. Either way, Silver has promise.”“Because I’m recalling so quickly?” Silver asked.“Not just that.” Charon stood to look out of the window before closing the curtains. “We’ll get there. For now, it’s time to devise a plan.” It turned to look at Ifris and Silver. “Are you both in?”“If you can make this happen where I go unscathed, then sure, I’m in,” Ifris said.After a few minutes of silence, Silver nodded. “Yes, I’m in.” It was an act of kindness on Charon’s part, after all. Not only that, but they liked Charon in ways they probably shouldn’t, too. They grew shy again.Charon clasped its hands together. “Good, let’s get down to business.” It gestured to the room around them. “As you may already suspect, Silver, there is a natural law that cannot be broken. It’s similar to the idea of manipulating the past; it’s generally a bad idea.“While I do have the power to fulfill our deal, which would involve briefly manipulating the past, there is only so much I can do. There will be little time before the higher-ups down here notice.”Ifris furrowed his brow. “Okay, so if you’re so powerful, why can’t you just give us more time?”“That’s not how it works.” Charon shook its head. “Do you really believe that those in charge will remain ignorant? I may possess abilities that are impressive, but once you start tampering with multiple things in multiple places, someone will notice. So, naturally, our time is limited.”Ifris shrugged. “Fair enough. So how are we getting out of here undetected?”“Leave the finer details to me—” Charon paused and looked up, its red eyes darting around as if following a spider crawling across the ceiling. It sighed. “Unfortunately, it appears I have a new soul to attend to. Two, rather. Interesting.”“Wait, what should we do?” Silver asked nervously.Ifris stood from his chair. “Is there somewhere I need to be? And when? You can’t just disappear on us with a half-assed explanation!”Charon winked. “Ye have little faith; no need to worry. I will slip in when the excitement dies down, and I’ll find you, Ifris, so go about your business.” It looked at Silver. “Ifris will retrieve you when I give the go-ahead.”

Silver grabbed their diary and tucked it between the stretchy hem of their jeans. They looked around to grab something else, but they realized there really was nothing else of value to them. They were as ready as they could be.They caught sight of the mirror and paused before approaching it again, and this time, the spark of anxiety wasn’t as intense. Their hands trembled as they stared at their reflection, but they were glad they hadn’t blacked out again. It was becoming normal.Silver turned away to walk off the shakes as they approached the window. While looking down at the courtyard that had gained a few wanderers, they envied them for a moment. They felt like they’d been caught up in some unfortunate chance for a bit of mischief, and they considered backing out.A knock on the door brought Silver back, and they turned to see Ifris slip inside. He looked no different than before, save for the awkward way he held his arms outstretched. “Come on,” he said. “We’re going down to the courtyard, which will give us the easiest access to the entrance.”Silver furrowed their brow. “Why are you standing like that?”Ifris gestured for them to come closer, and as they did, something strange drifted around them. It felt like cobwebs.“It’s magic,” Ifris continued. “Some of Charon’s. It’ll allow us to go unseen for a little bit, but this thing is fragile. It won’t last long since it’s only meant to be temporary. Charon doesn’t want this shit just laying around for others to find.”Silver nodded and followed Ifris out the door and into the hallway that curved toward the center of the building. “Hey,” Silver said quietly. “What will happen when they discover we’re gone?”Ifris grew uneasy. “We’ll just have to trust Charon with that. It said it would alter the roster and switch things around for long enough. They’ll find out eventually, but it’ll be a while. Besides, the ones in charge don’t usually check on souls themselves unless it’s time to release them. Or if something seems fishy.”“Fishy… like this,” Silver said anxiously.Ifris huffed. “Stop worrying about it. Knowing Charon, it bought us quite a bit of time. The sheer amount of souls down here is pretty big, especially recently.” He guided Silver to a stairwell with ethereal blue lighting. “Something about a worldwide pandemic up top.”Silver paused, causing Ifris to stumble. Another spark; a memory.“New GameGo news, folks,” an announcer said over an intercom. “As you know, Japan finally released the PS2 last month, so we have to get ready and prepare the inventory for it to be released in the US. We’re hoping it’ll be here by October.” Incomprehensible chatter. Excitement.“We also must prepare for the massive solar flare event. There’s a huge one coming, and our systems will probably be screwed. It’s supposed to affect the whole world, so be sure to shut everything down. We’ll be closing that day just to be safe.”“Hey, move!” Ifris hissed.Silver shook their head and hurried to make up for lost time. Something wasn’t right. “There wasn’t a pandemic,” they said.“What?” Ifris said impatiently.“There wasn’t a pandemic. There was a worldwide solar flare, and the only thing it affected, that I know of, is electronics.” Silver perked up. “I had a job. I worked with electronics of some kind.”Ifris steered them toward the first floor. “Okay, good, but now isn’t the time to make major recollections. Just hang onto that for when we’re far enough away.”The cobweb-like sensation in Silver’s fingers sagged. “How long have I been down here?”Ifris paused as they felt one of the cobwebs snap. “Shit, okay, for you it’s probably been…” They fell into thought. “According to your file, twenty years?”Silver became winded as they wavered. “Twenty… years?”“Now isn’t the time, fucking Christ!” Ifris wrapped an arm around Silver and pushed them across the courtyard and through the entrance. “This thing is starting to break. We have to get a move on.”Silver fell silent as they made their way out of the front doors and across the way, past the main admittance office, and along a worn stone trail that followed the river Styx. As soon as they slipped beneath a tunnel, with the building still in their eyesight, the magic finally disintegrated.“It had to make my job harder, didn’t it?” Ifris complained as he fell back against the stone wall. He looked over at Silver, who watched nervously behind them. “We have some time. Just… take a breather, I guess.”As if on cue, Charon appeared in a flurry of musty shadows. “Good, you made it.”“Barely,” Ifris said, exhausted. “You couldn’t have made it a bit more durable?”Charon shrugged. “I don’t want my magic lying around where others can get to it. I’d get an earful.”“Did you know it’s been twenty years?” Silver asked.Ifris groaned and sank to the ground. “Another crisis.”Charon glared at him and moved to wrap an arm loosely around Silver. They still hadn’t progressed past the initial shock phase, but they were moving quickly, regardless. “Twenty years?”Silver stared wide-eyed at Charon. “I’ve been down here for twenty years.”“Let me guess, Ifris just told you,” Charon breathed.Ifris scowled. “You’re the one who wanted to rush things, or did you forget that? I’m just ‘speeding things along’ like you wanted me to. Since I’m still their buddy system, no thanks to your blackmail.”“Don’t forget, we have blackmail on each other,” Charon said. “I realize we don’t exactly enjoy each other’s company, but for the sake of Silver, let’s just work on basic tolerance.”“Yes, please,” Silver begged. “I’m doing my best and I don’t mean to be a pain. I feel like I’ve just become a huge burden to you both.”“You’re not a burden,” Charon soothed. “Don’t let Ifris’ attitude get to you. He’s always been like this. We just have a history.” Ifris shot Charon a warning glance before it continued. “Which is between us. Maybe he’ll tell you eventually. You’re both going to become great friends, after all.”“Not a fan of that either,” Ifris said as they stood. “So, what do we do now? Start the walk?”“What’s the walk?” Silver asked.“No better time than the present,” Charon said. “It’ll be a bit before the administration discovers your absence, which should give you enough time to be long gone. And you know how time works down here…” It waved a hand and an ancient, large hourglass appeared. “They always find what’s missing rather quickly once they notice.”Ifris rustled their wild hair and gestured for Silver to follow. “Let’s get started. There’s no real direction to go since everything will conform to what you personally need, so let’s just go somewhere. Anywhere.”